[personal profile] lindsaydotcom
What I gleaned from the posts (and thank you, BTW - they mean so very much to me) is that I do have to get out of the house more. I do. And I have to do more of what I like, not solely doing caretaking or I'll burn myself out. And that once he's old enough to start interacting I'll likely find more joy in the experience, but ti won't necessarily be easier. Oh, and this is still the best option for me for now since I don't want anyone else doing it for me. For now.

So what did I do about it all?

Yesterday I got out of the house for a quick errand, and then decided to take a drive. I love driving. I'm not one of those people who sees a car as a vessel for transporting yourself from point A to point B. Oh, no. I love the feeling of driving without purpose and without plan - just seeing where the road goes and seeing what's around me. I drove for an hour. Into streets I'd never been down, to a new development I'd read about, down streets where there are still dairy farms with thousands of cows all lined up near their troughs, past a regional park that looks promising, past a new shopping center that I didn't even know existed. I had the radio on and sang to some songs while Drew slept (mostly) in the backseat. it was great.

Then I came home and made a new recipe. I do love to create meals from scratch. Last night I made lasagna. One to cook, and one to freeze. I mostly followed Suzanne's "Lasagna to stock the freezer recipe" and added some spices and whatnot (but I cut the amounts of everything in half - smaller pan sizes, I think). Turned out really well, and now we have another couple of days of dinners for the week, and another tray in the freezer. Thanks, Suzanne! AND, we had a lovely package waiting for us from Keely. Thanks, Piper! ;)

And then, today, I went out to lunch with a girlfriend from work. We went to an Indian buffet where they always seem to have lovely korma and palak paneer, and garlic naan which is just so amazing I could practically eat a basket myself. We chatted for a full hour and decided that we'd do lunch again soon, even if we just bring a bag of sandwiches to a park for a picnic. When I got home I logged on (are we the only ones in the freaking world that still can't get DSL on our street, or what?) and got an email from another old girlfriend at work who had a baby in August and quit to be a SAHM asking if I wanted to get together soon.

Oh, yes. Definitely a better day. I feel SO MUCH more energized, and since I'm in a better mood I'm not letting Drew's needs get to me nearly as much.

Today I feel as though I can do this.

Date: 2007-02-07 12:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zoofussa.livejournal.com
Good for you! It makes a difference, doesn't it? Sometimes when things are awful I just stuff the kids in the car and go to the Starbucks drive through, where I don't have to chase them around...just to go, go go.

Date: 2007-02-09 02:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ves-heill.livejournal.com
I don't think people outside of CA can truly understand what a car-based culture we live in. I think drive thrus rank up there in Happy Things with online ordering and banks that are open on Saturdays.

Date: 2007-02-07 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spedtchr.livejournal.com
I missed your post yesterday, so went back and just now read it. First, I applaud you for voicing your feelings. I think there is a lot of pressure for SAHM to love what they're doing by staying at home. I always feel guilty admitting its not my favorite thing in the world. And my experience with it is that its damn hard!! I only do it during the summer, and so many days, I feel so many of the same things you voiced. Parenting, on every level, is hard. And staying at home is equally as difficult as working out of the home. I'm glad today was a better day for you! I also found that my preference for or against staying at home ebbed and flowed. On those days when it gets really hard, its nice to go back to the things that make you feel more like YOU, and find ways to get them back in to your day. I do agree that things are definately different (easier? maybe not...) as the child gets older, more interactive. But I think I would always struggle if I stayed home full time. I do think some people are better equipped for that job. That doesn't mean I think those people are better parents for it.

Date: 2007-02-09 02:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ves-heill.livejournal.com
Exactamundo!!

Date: 2007-02-07 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] autumnwife.livejournal.com
I didn't get a chance to respond to your other post, but I'm glad to see you're feeling better and looking at ways to make it easier. It does get easier when they are more interactive and you can do stuff together.

Date: 2007-02-07 12:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] devil-kitty-1.livejournal.com
Good for you for getting out! Even silly trips out of the house help break up the long days.

Date: 2007-02-07 01:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cb-goes-home.livejournal.com
Hooray! Good for you!

Date: 2007-02-07 03:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hthrstarr.livejournal.com
I meant to post yesterday and then forgot. But then Linda and I were talking about you today...specifically about how we both could have written your post word for word. I really sort of hated those first few months. I missed being a working woman, missed my 'get up and go' lifestyle, missed HEATHER basically. I think it really really helps to get involved with other mothers. The MOM'S group I just joined is fantastic, three-four things to do every week and I can pick and choose. It's so hard when the kid is that little, it's not like he's interactive yet.

When I stayed at home last summer with Matthew I enjoyed it much more. He was 12-14 months and was really at the age where we could go to the museum, etc. and actually play and have fun.

So I guess my advice is like everyone else's. Get out, get involved,and be patient. It'll get so much easier and more fun as he gets older. I'm LOVING it now.

And most of all, know that you're not alone and that it's totally natural to feel that way.

Date: 2007-02-09 02:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ves-heill.livejournal.com
What is this MOM's group I keep seeing mentioned? Is it some sort of organization, or is it just a buch of gals in the community who get together?

I'm glad to hear a success story of another reformed Not Sure About This mom. ;)

Date: 2007-02-09 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hthrstarr.livejournal.com
It's actually a well organized international group with chapters all over. Mine does about 3-4 events per week, including play groups, visits to museums/playgrounds, walking group, book club, community service, etc. It's really been great, and I just joined. I'd DEFINITELY recommend it, it's such a great way to meet people and feel like you have something to go do.
http://www.momsclub.org/links.html

Date: 2007-02-09 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ves-heill.livejournal.com
Holy crikey - there are THREE clubs in my city. Who knew!?!

Thanks. :)

Date: 2007-02-09 03:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hthrstarr.livejournal.com
I have to tell you,when I was home with Matthew over the summer he was born I really couldn't wait to go back to work (he was 10 weeks old when I went back). Then I was off last summer, when he was 1 and it was REALLY hard to go back to work. Now that I'm off with both boys I've really found my groove in being a SAHM and am LOVING it. It's going to be VERY difficult to go back this fall. Very hard. It'll get so much better and more fun, I promise

Date: 2007-02-07 05:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 2seastars.livejournal.com
I'm so glad, L. Sounds like you're filling your "internal" freezer. :)

Date: 2007-02-07 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 2happy4most.livejournal.com
Your post yesterday made me think about how lonely and sad I was those first few months alone with Aiko. I'm glad to hear that things are better and you were able to enjoy the day! You'll have a little driving log of all of the back streets and undiscovered neat spots in your area before you know it.

Date: 2007-02-09 02:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ves-heill.livejournal.com
I think I probably will know this city better than anyone else I know. Except for my SIL, of course, who delivered pizzas for 8 years. I don't think it's possible to ever top her!

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