I think everyone knows by now that I get a ton of really bizarre correspondance from prospective students. Most I toss because they're silly and pedantic, but occasionally one comes across my desk that I have to keep or to share. A few years ago a faculty member forwarded me an email he received. I've held onto it for three years because it was just a classic gem of someone who's obviously very intelligent and at the same time very socially unstable. And it's quite frankly just a hoot to read. I was purging things from my files yesterday and found it again to my delight. I no longer want to hold onto it, but I can't bring myself to throw it away without saving at least some of the highlights. The entire document is ten pages long, but I selected my favorite highlights to copy below.

*

We just got a delivery from Proflowers.com of 12 assorted long red roses with a card that reads "To all the Hot Tamales in the [school name]. -Eros"

Eros is the Greek god of love. Heh. None of us know who they're from, but they're absolutely beautiful.
... (while discussing the movies and the actors' characterizations) the Vice President of the university she works at offers to get her some lube so that she can pull the rather large stick out of her ass.

I'm just saying.
Sometimes working with grad students is a royal pain in my hiney. Other times, not so much. I've developed some good relationships with some of my students, and I tend to get to know our work study students very well since we see them so much - these tend to be the students I think of when I think of students in general. One of these students, CF, was trying to decide which eyeglass frames to go with and was going around and around asking everyone which he should choose. JM, a friend, agreed with me that pair B was the way to go, but CF decided that he liked pair A better because they make him stand out more, even though they're smaller and don't fit his face quite so well. So JM sent CF the following email to talk some sense into him:

CF,

I think you are making a mistake with the smaller glasses.
Let's think this through......

You like the smaller ones because they make you stand out. So, there you are, standing out in a crowd. There is a serial killer looking for his next random victim. So, he sees you (because you stand out) and he chooses you. He follows you home, but you don't notice him because your peripheral vision isn't good (because you chose the smaller glasses). I think you can imagine what happens... that's right, you're murdered, and they show a really bad picture of you on America's Most Wanted.

NOW...

If you chose the larger glasses, here is a possible scenario...
There you are in a crowd (perhaps not quite standing out the way you would like, but no worries). Suddenly you see movement to your side (because your peripheral vision is GREAT). You turn your head, and you see your true love!

So, it's your choice:
Murder or Love.

JM


Hee. I love not knowing what I'm going to find everyday when I go into work.

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June 2010

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