Lindsay's Chicago stowaways
Apr. 27th, 2005 02:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lindsaydotcomI found two little stowaways in my carry-on luggage. They explained that they had just gone through sort of a family crisis and were trying to rebuild their relationship, so I invited them to come along with me on my trip. These two have got ISSUES.
Leia: What's the movie on this flight?
Vader: Movie?
Leia: Yeah, you know. Movie. It's where people move and talk and periodically dance about on screen? A movie.
Vader: You do realize you can't fit into the headphones, right? You're about forty times too small.
Leia: I can try.
Vader: You'll embarrass us.
Leai: You mean I'll embarrass you.
Vader: Exactly. I forbid you to do it.
Leia: Excuse me?!? You can't forbid me to do anything. You're not my father, Vader!
Vader: Actually, I AM your father, and I think I deserve the respect of being called "Dad".
Leia: You want me to call you Dad?
Vader: Got a problem with that?
Leia: Not... really... it's just wierd, you know?
Vader: Get used to it.
Leia: You're a bit of an ass, you know.
Vader: This is going to be a long, long trip.
Leia: Tell me about it. Hmph.
Leia: How high up do you think we are?
Vader: I don't know. High enough so that if I threw someone out they'd splatter a lot on the ground.
Leia: That's not funny.
Vader: I thought it was.
Leia: You have a sick sense of humor.
Vader: No, I'm pragmatic. There's a difference.
Leia: You're sick AND you're pragmatic, how about that?
Vader: Leia. Did you hear what I said about someone splattering on the ground just now? Did you understand?
Leia: Umm... I think I'll go wash up before we go out. In the bathroom. Away from the window.
Vader: Good plan.
Vader: Let's get the eggplant parmesean.
Leia: Actually, Dad, I was thinking of a meatball.
Vader: A meatball?
Leia: Yeah, a meatball.
Vader: I didn't know you like meatballs.
Leia: Oh yeah. Mom used to make them for me when I was little and I wasn't feeling well.
Vader: Wait a minute. Your mother made you MEATBALLS to get you to feel better? What the hell was her problem? What about chicken soup? What about tea and toast? What about orange juice?!?
Leia: I had those too, but I had them with meatballs.
Vader: That's nasty.
Leia: Maybe. But I still want one.
Vader: You're not really going to eat that whole thing, are you?
Leia: Dad... Just stop.
Vader: But, Leia-
Leia: LET IT GO, DAD.
Vader: Fine. Be a carnivore. What the hell do I know. I was only trained as a freaking Jedi Knight.
Leia: Whatever. It's my time of the month. I need the iron.
Vader: Umm... umm...
Leia: Bet they never mentioned that in Jedi School.
Vader: Not exactly. I can kill the waiter with the power of my mind, though, wanna see?!?
Leia: Oh, don't even go there. He'll probably spit on my meatball or something.
Leia: Awww. Pretty flowers. They had those on Alderaan... before you blew it up, at any rate.
Vader: Err... yeah. Sorry about that.
Leia: No you're not.
Vader: Well, no. But I want to be, does that count?
Leia: ::blinks::
Vader: Why exactly are we here, Leia?
Leia: Because it's cool! Oh look, there's dancing!
Vader: It's loud. It's noisy. It's too hot. I don't like the music... Are you even listening to me?
Leia: ...oh she's a brick-hooouuuse. She's mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out...
Vader: Leia. LEIA. LISTEN TO ME. I want to go back to the hotel. There's a lounge there and I can get a glass of wine.
Leia: Need I remind you that because I had to go off and fight in the rebellion I didn't exactly get many chances to go out and party? I plan on making up for lost time.
Vader: You didn't HAVE to join the rebellion, you know.
Leia: I need a drink.
Vader: Good plan.
Vader: Hm. No wine. I think I'll get a 7 and 7.
Leia: Oh, Dad. That's so old school!
Vader: Old school?
Leia: Yeah, old school. You should get something hip. Oh, oh, I know! Get a martini. Or even better, get a flirtini!
Vader: You want me to carry around something called a flirtini. I'm Darth Vader for crying out loud! Darth Vader doesn't carry around flirtinis!!
Leia: Apparently Darth Vader likes to refer to himself in the third person.
Darth: Fine. I'll be hip. I'll get a Tom Collins.
Leia: Way to tip the hip-o-meter scale. Sheesh.
Vader: They said there would be desserts. They said that, right? I want some freaking CHEESECAKE. I neeeeed cheesecake. It's like an addiction.
Leia: How many of those Tom Collins did you have?
Vader: Just one, but it was like four times bigger than me.
Leia: Lightweight.
Leia: This party blows. Let's go home.
Vader: ...well i guess it would be nice, if i could touch your booody, i know not everyboooody, has got a body like'a yooouuu...
Leia: Ew. That's just so incredibly wrong. Never sing that again.
Leia: So what do you want to do tomorrow? It's our last day in the city, you know.
Vader: ...hnnnnnnnnuk....
Leia: Dad.... DAD! Turn onto your side. You're snoring.
Vader: No I'm ::hic:: not. Darth Vader doesn't snore.
Leia: Whatever.
Vader: Are you sure about this?
Leia: Oh, totally. Everyone knows that you fight a hangover two ways. With grease and with more alcohol.
Vader: I don't remember hearing about that.
Leia: Yeah, well, the Emperor didn't really care for tipping the bottle much, did he?
Vader: He didn't care for a lot of things.
Leia: Like you?
Vader: What?
Leia: Oh, come on. He totally used you.
Vader: You don't know what you're talking about.
Leia: Hello! He was about to kill you!
Vader: Karma is a bitch.
Vader: Are we in the picture?
Leia: I don't think so. I think we're too short.
Vader: We should be.... Hey, look, the Cubs are winning! They might actually win the game!!
Leia: Don't count on it. They'll lose it in the ninth. They ALWAYS lose it in the ninth.
Vader: We'll see. I have a good feeling about this one!
Leia: You never learn, do you?
Vader: I can't believe they lost. I'm so depressed.
Leia: Do I have to even say it?
Vader: Don't. Don't bother. I'm always on the losing side. Always! Why does it have to be me?!?
Leia: This is a really unappealing side to you.
Vader: IT WAS THE NINTH INNING! ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS BRING IN TWO MORE OUTS.
Leia: It's the Cubs. You're surprised by this?
Vader: I need another drink.
Leia: I don't think so.
Vader: Oh yeah. What'd we just drink? Flirtini? Get me another.
Leia: Definitely not.
Leia: Did you have a good time, Dad?
Vader: Speak lower! My head hurts.
Leia: Did you have a good time, Dad?
Vader: I guess. Good pizza. Did we bring any back with us?
Leia: Nope. We'll just have to go back someday to get more.
Vader: Sure.
Leia: What's the movie on this flight?
Vader: ::blinks::
Leia: What?
Vader: Say good night, Gracie.
Leia: WHO'S GRACIE?!? MY NAME IS LEIA. LEIA!
Vader: Oy.
Leia: What's the movie on this flight?
Vader: Movie?
Leia: Yeah, you know. Movie. It's where people move and talk and periodically dance about on screen? A movie.
Vader: You do realize you can't fit into the headphones, right? You're about forty times too small.
Leia: I can try.
Vader: You'll embarrass us.
Leai: You mean I'll embarrass you.
Vader: Exactly. I forbid you to do it.
Leia: Excuse me?!? You can't forbid me to do anything. You're not my father, Vader!
Vader: Actually, I AM your father, and I think I deserve the respect of being called "Dad".
Leia: You want me to call you Dad?
Vader: Got a problem with that?
Leia: Not... really... it's just wierd, you know?
Vader: Get used to it.
Leia: You're a bit of an ass, you know.
Vader: This is going to be a long, long trip.
Leia: Tell me about it. Hmph.
Leia: How high up do you think we are?
Vader: I don't know. High enough so that if I threw someone out they'd splatter a lot on the ground.
Leia: That's not funny.
Vader: I thought it was.
Leia: You have a sick sense of humor.
Vader: No, I'm pragmatic. There's a difference.
Leia: You're sick AND you're pragmatic, how about that?
Vader: Leia. Did you hear what I said about someone splattering on the ground just now? Did you understand?
Leia: Umm... I think I'll go wash up before we go out. In the bathroom. Away from the window.
Vader: Good plan.
Vader: Let's get the eggplant parmesean.
Leia: Actually, Dad, I was thinking of a meatball.
Vader: A meatball?
Leia: Yeah, a meatball.
Vader: I didn't know you like meatballs.
Leia: Oh yeah. Mom used to make them for me when I was little and I wasn't feeling well.
Vader: Wait a minute. Your mother made you MEATBALLS to get you to feel better? What the hell was her problem? What about chicken soup? What about tea and toast? What about orange juice?!?
Leia: I had those too, but I had them with meatballs.
Vader: That's nasty.
Leia: Maybe. But I still want one.
Vader: You're not really going to eat that whole thing, are you?
Leia: Dad... Just stop.
Vader: But, Leia-
Leia: LET IT GO, DAD.
Vader: Fine. Be a carnivore. What the hell do I know. I was only trained as a freaking Jedi Knight.
Leia: Whatever. It's my time of the month. I need the iron.
Vader: Umm... umm...
Leia: Bet they never mentioned that in Jedi School.
Vader: Not exactly. I can kill the waiter with the power of my mind, though, wanna see?!?
Leia: Oh, don't even go there. He'll probably spit on my meatball or something.
Leia: Awww. Pretty flowers. They had those on Alderaan... before you blew it up, at any rate.
Vader: Err... yeah. Sorry about that.
Leia: No you're not.
Vader: Well, no. But I want to be, does that count?
Leia: ::blinks::
Vader: Why exactly are we here, Leia?
Leia: Because it's cool! Oh look, there's dancing!
Vader: It's loud. It's noisy. It's too hot. I don't like the music... Are you even listening to me?
Leia: ...oh she's a brick-hooouuuse. She's mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out...
Vader: Leia. LEIA. LISTEN TO ME. I want to go back to the hotel. There's a lounge there and I can get a glass of wine.
Leia: Need I remind you that because I had to go off and fight in the rebellion I didn't exactly get many chances to go out and party? I plan on making up for lost time.
Vader: You didn't HAVE to join the rebellion, you know.
Leia: I need a drink.
Vader: Good plan.
Vader: Hm. No wine. I think I'll get a 7 and 7.
Leia: Oh, Dad. That's so old school!
Vader: Old school?
Leia: Yeah, old school. You should get something hip. Oh, oh, I know! Get a martini. Or even better, get a flirtini!
Vader: You want me to carry around something called a flirtini. I'm Darth Vader for crying out loud! Darth Vader doesn't carry around flirtinis!!
Leia: Apparently Darth Vader likes to refer to himself in the third person.
Darth: Fine. I'll be hip. I'll get a Tom Collins.
Leia: Way to tip the hip-o-meter scale. Sheesh.
Vader: They said there would be desserts. They said that, right? I want some freaking CHEESECAKE. I neeeeed cheesecake. It's like an addiction.
Leia: How many of those Tom Collins did you have?
Vader: Just one, but it was like four times bigger than me.
Leia: Lightweight.
Leia: This party blows. Let's go home.
Vader: ...well i guess it would be nice, if i could touch your booody, i know not everyboooody, has got a body like'a yooouuu...
Leia: Ew. That's just so incredibly wrong. Never sing that again.
Leia: So what do you want to do tomorrow? It's our last day in the city, you know.
Vader: ...hnnnnnnnnuk....
Leia: Dad.... DAD! Turn onto your side. You're snoring.
Vader: No I'm ::hic:: not. Darth Vader doesn't snore.
Leia: Whatever.
Vader: Are you sure about this?
Leia: Oh, totally. Everyone knows that you fight a hangover two ways. With grease and with more alcohol.
Vader: I don't remember hearing about that.
Leia: Yeah, well, the Emperor didn't really care for tipping the bottle much, did he?
Vader: He didn't care for a lot of things.
Leia: Like you?
Vader: What?
Leia: Oh, come on. He totally used you.
Vader: You don't know what you're talking about.
Leia: Hello! He was about to kill you!
Vader: Karma is a bitch.
Vader: Are we in the picture?
Leia: I don't think so. I think we're too short.
Vader: We should be.... Hey, look, the Cubs are winning! They might actually win the game!!
Leia: Don't count on it. They'll lose it in the ninth. They ALWAYS lose it in the ninth.
Vader: We'll see. I have a good feeling about this one!
Leia: You never learn, do you?
Vader: I can't believe they lost. I'm so depressed.
Leia: Do I have to even say it?
Vader: Don't. Don't bother. I'm always on the losing side. Always! Why does it have to be me?!?
Leia: This is a really unappealing side to you.
Vader: IT WAS THE NINTH INNING! ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS BRING IN TWO MORE OUTS.
Leia: It's the Cubs. You're surprised by this?
Vader: I need another drink.
Leia: I don't think so.
Vader: Oh yeah. What'd we just drink? Flirtini? Get me another.
Leia: Definitely not.
Leia: Did you have a good time, Dad?
Vader: Speak lower! My head hurts.
Leia: Did you have a good time, Dad?
Vader: I guess. Good pizza. Did we bring any back with us?
Leia: Nope. We'll just have to go back someday to get more.
Vader: Sure.
Leia: What's the movie on this flight?
Vader: ::blinks::
Leia: What?
Vader: Say good night, Gracie.
Leia: WHO'S GRACIE?!? MY NAME IS LEIA. LEIA!
Vader: Oy.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 10:28 pm (UTC)You are a riot!!
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Date: 2005-04-27 10:41 pm (UTC)Thanks.
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Date: 2005-04-27 10:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-04-27 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 12:10 am (UTC)(Can I count that as a book since I haven't been able to get through one since having kids because it was sure as hell more entertaining than the last thing I read.)
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Date: 2005-04-28 03:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-04-28 03:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 02:00 am (UTC)MY...
GOD...
That was clever, creative, funny as all hell and BRILLIANT!!! I love it, you're my idol!!!!!
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Date: 2005-04-28 03:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 04:55 pm (UTC)Was that a low-blow on my Constantine or what????
:-p
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Date: 2005-04-28 05:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-29 03:37 pm (UTC)